They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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