hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
