I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
