i just had sex bonerless
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
