Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
