So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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