at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
