I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
