i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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