Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
