she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
