i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
