This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
