Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
