my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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