Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
