He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
