your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
