afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
