I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
