he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
