u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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