'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
porn star boner night. come get it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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