So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Say something about gay babies.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
