I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im holly from the hills drunk
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I stole a fireplace last night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
