Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
