Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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