just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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