I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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