You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
