you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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