I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Panties = found
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