You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
