i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
