My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Too much gin, very little bucket
Everything about him screamed your future.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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