she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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