If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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