How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
