at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
