so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
