So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize