the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
