Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
