Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize