i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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