its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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