I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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