Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
