That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
