I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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