Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
