Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
