U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
