I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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