careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
