Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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