Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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