Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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