I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
