Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
