I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
