we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
