Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
