he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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