Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
