You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize