Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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