my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
