i barfeds in our rink
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
