it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You made out with two different species that night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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