Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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