i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
