this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
