omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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