addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
