What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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