did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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