I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
