fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
