Who wears a wallet chain?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
