my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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