you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
