she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
