): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
