just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
