I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
