just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He better not be in your backpack
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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