It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
