This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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